who knows where thoughts come from?: trying to get better

my body mass index, as calculated this thursday morning after breakfast, is 18.5. this figure came from 50.5kg / 2.7225, weight (kg)/height (m squared), and 18.5 is the lowest healthy weight range indication. my healthy goal is probably about 54kg.

i haven't been a "skinny" girl since highschool and it's addictive, but i don't know why. i see such intense beauty in other people's less skinny bodies, and i can't understand why i fear mine.

making a cake!

this cake had an inadvertent alteration courtesy of brain fade; macadamia and hazelnut are not the same guy... was significant in that the raw macadamias had a noticeable stickiness to them when ground, which meant i couldn't get them as fine as almond meal (the breville mini-wizz is also at least partially to blame) and the final product had a coarser, and likely heavier consistency.

the proportions were

170g chocolate
150g butter
melted to a dreamy marble ecstasy
(leftover 30g for impatient eating also pictured)

i also added a scoop of espresso coffee here but i didn't notice it much
this org + ft coffee grind is $4.79 at safeway, says clearance?

1/2 cup ground macadamia
1/4 cup wholemeal flour
3 heaped tablespoons of cocoa
bit o salt

4 eggs, separated (first time!!)

- the yolks go with half a cup of sugar (i used raw, original called for light brown) and are beaten (electric dream) to a thick cream consistency, took me 3-5mins, add to the dry and wet ingredients

- the whites go with 1/4 tsp of cream of tartar (same as baking powder, yes?) and a quarter of a cup of the same sugar, added gradually when the yolks are fairly fluffy, fold into the dry+wet+yolks ingredients, try to "lighten" the batter

finished mate, with pepitas and sunflowers for presentation measure (former ended up tastier than latter which was a bit burny)